so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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