I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
