There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
