Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
