if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
