the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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