so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
