how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have already put on my inside pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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