Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
