this beer tastes like vomit already
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize