so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
