Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
