I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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