he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
