Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

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(716): View more from New York

The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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(914): View more from New York

just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix

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(949): View more from California

Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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(561): View more from Florida

She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again

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(+61): View more from Australia

Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?

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