I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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