I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
