I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
