hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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