I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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