Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
