Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize