i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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