And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize