I looked at my own cervix.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
