And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
