She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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