two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I party with great urgency now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
