God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
