called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
