I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize