Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
