Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
