I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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