Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
