I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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