oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize