You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
