when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
