My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found the puke drawer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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