Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
