Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
