I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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