I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she smelled like a LAN party
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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