I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
