Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize