You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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