My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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