what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
