I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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