I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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