i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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