A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
