You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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