Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
