Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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