I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
