cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
