Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
