U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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