Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
