capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
