my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
