is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
