Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
