That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
