I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
