don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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