Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize