he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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