I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
