your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
