um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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