the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
