dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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