do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize