After last night, I could never be a politician.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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