Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
