listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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