I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
