I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
how does that bad decision feel?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
