Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
