I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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