goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
