Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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