when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
