I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
