do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
