yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
