Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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