So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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