Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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