420 ftw
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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