whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
