you win again, gameday.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
