we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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