google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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