Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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