I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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