Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
