Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
