And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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