whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
