Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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